Is it insomnia that dissolves the border between reality and fantasy? Or is just being enough to make the mind unable to understand the world awake? Is it enough to be able to understand someone else? To love someone? No, and no, says Gondry; has so many tics and quirks, I love the way he sees the world. Our communication skills are shabby, particularly for the quantity and quality of emotion. How deep. So what does it take to break through that wall? The doubt. The memoryscapes. The colors and playfulness, and the painful self-awareness that traps. His poor men, so sensitive and insecure. And his Stephanie, in love with the Alpha-dog; nice but the wrong girl. So far, the men I know all say, “Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”

So, shrug.
Moving on.

The crocuses came up - on Thursday it was all golden yellows, on Friday the purples and whites joined in too.
Spring is here. In February! They inspire: “If they are brave, I can be too.” Life is worth doing right the first time.

OK, - me again just talking talking boring noise - whatever. Time for this one to sleep. Pleasant dreams, sleeping tight and no bed bugs.

Edited after waking: Was just thinking about the way the main character slips back and forth between three languages. His French is poor so even if you understand what he is saying there is the probability of misunderstanding. He is by definition miscommunicaton. Miscommunicating. Speaking most clearly through symbols, artwork and dreams.

I’m going back to the States for a few days in April.

From Wikipedia: “Dreamgirls, a 1981 Broadway musical, is said to be inspired by the Supremes, and the central character of Effie White, originated by Jennifer Holliday, is said to be modeled after [Florence] Ballard. That character was played by Jennifer Hudson in the film version of Dreamgirls released in 2006, which featured more overt references to Ballard’s life and the Supremes’ story than the stage musical. Both Holliday and Hudson’s portrayals of Effie have received rave reviews: Holliday won the 1982 Tony Award for Best Leading Actress in a Musical for her performance, while Hudson has been awarded a number of critics’ awards, including a 2007 Golden Globe Award for Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture Musical or Comedy. At the conclusion of her Golden Globe Award acceptance speech, Hudson dedicated her win to Florence Ballard. Several days after receiving her Golden Globe award Hudson was nominated for the Academy Award in the Best Supporting Actress category.”

Saw it. What wouldn’t I do to be as gorgeous and perfect as Beyonce? Sigh. Pretty flawless cast, pretty flawless costume and makeup and set design, pretty pretty film. Walked home with the songs still stuck in our heads and started singing disco to my poor flatmate who missed out on all the gorgeous fabulousness of the 70s. I’ve always loved Diana Ross and this doesn’t shake that but now I know a bit about our tragic Florence Ballard too. Thumbs up.

we just had our fisrt exam of the vet experience ever oh fun and relieved and that was great relief - now have had several drinksw are trying to watch movie but PAL hates my computer. need a free palyer and can’t find the download. DAMN.

wanted to use that heading before I went and saw “The Prestige” by Jonathan and Christopher Nolan. (actually, by Christopher Priest but I haven’t read the book; don’t have time for novels these days.) Am very glutinous, attending a movie on a Saturday night when the first of my exams is tomorrow and the others are just two weeks away. TWO WEEKS! Birthday celebrations….. more of the same? Was chatting with the fabulous Ms. Sue Kempson and she assured me: 1) the first exam is easy b/c it’s open book, 2) we’re all faded in the 11-week mark, and 3) she’s confident I’ll slam in a home run. Perhaps I’ve read into what she was saying a bit. Personally, I would have to say I dropped back a few weeks ago. Probably at least a month, maybe more. Am pushing forward again but definitely have neither maintained my competitive edge nor my place in the pack. It’s okay. I never was alpha dog. My task these next few weeks is simply to apply painstaking attention to detail. If I can master my 10 enzymes, then I can master the PA/Pa, and I can master the haemolymphatics, so I can definitely master the spot exam.

Rapidly approaching next year’s resolution: always do your best.

worn-out/exhausted after a day of weak climbing she sits on the bus watching the people, particularly the teens going home from school in their god-awful tracky outfits and stupid unflattering haircuts and finds herself remembering sitting in 9th Grade English class, staring at the headlice climbing through the oversprayed starchy hair topping the oh-so-most-popular-girl’s head - watching horrified, filled with glorified as-yet-unnamed-feeling: Schadenfreude. what was that word, she asks herself, for when your idealism shatters beneath the crushing realization that not only will all your dreams not come true but most of those you’ve childishly coddled failed to mature by your own lack of effort rather than an inherent unattainability. it could have been different. it could change. you could start any day you wanted. and yet, what won the night before and the night before that? meeting to feed the homeless? cleaning up the dirty parks? or dinner and the movie? and tomorrow? saving baby seals? girlfriend in a coma, i know i know it’s serious.

what happened to writing your own book? can you not see what of what’s going on is interesting? the struggles to change behavior, to hush and stop bugging, to build strength of body and strength of character; but also, the slow dawning realization of relase from the bygone times of being socially manipulated by amoral friends. relax, enjoy the freedom of their absence and be glad to be rid of it. [which is not exactly a fair statement since the vetmed GEPs are as competitive and cruel as any high school students. rumor has it one of the "Jude Law look-alike if Jude was tall" harem, being outrageously possessive of his attention as they all are, stabbed someone with a fork to stop her from talking to him. so i guess it doesn't matter - crazy is as crazy does.]
(edited 13:16 05/10/06)

Note to a Pine Ridge Girl
Who Can No Longer Read
I keep dreaming these dreams
where I lose you, literally lose
you like misplaced car keys
and wake up sweating and
call and cuss, mutter for you
to reveal yourself, not in dream
but in my wide-awake frustration. Read the rest of this entry »