| September 28th, 2006 | Polydipsia/Polyuria |
You think this is going to be a smart blurb about how I drink too much coffee and end up with insomnia, don’t you? And how there is this wacky several day aftermath of suffering from heightened emotional states, distraction, inability to focus, repetition and redundancy? About how the fragments of long-distance conversations held in my mind become internally reverberant and I believe the person on the other side must be actually hearing and answering, thinking they too are imaging the exchange? And why it is so difficult to not be aware at least once a day (if not once an hour) of how much I miss certain persons? How my future seems like such a difficult and steep climb but it feels like it could have been less so if someone else had come along too? It’s not just me. I’ve read several friends’ blogs today and seen that “love is in the air.” Guess it’s the colder weather - makes you want someone to snuggle. At his place though. My lumpy mattress is so ratty and thin you can feel every damn spring. But it’s not about that. It is actually a rant (mini-rant because it’s getting late enough that I’d better trot home for a bite to eat before ploughing back into my due-on-Friday [or maybe at the end of October actually but let's stick with the earlier date, ok?] and not-yet-finished Animal Husbandry Extra Mural Studies reports) about how I keep having these fragments of conversation in the hallways with actually present professors who I think are encouraging my studies but seem blatantly resisting my pleas for guidance. Why do I find it so very difficult to be self-directed? And absolutely imposing to be self-directed enough to implement research into my schedule? It really is not seeming to fit despite my belief that I want to do it and when I’ve suggested that perhaps a summer research program is the only solution, did everyone around me really sigh in audible relief? Small town vet with no major breakthroughs for credit in the scientific community WILL BE OKAY! More than OK! Passing this course is going to be hard enough! Why am I having such trouble getting that idea to stick in my head? Why do I keep reading things like the Bronx Zoo job posting for an experienced epidemiologist and think, oooh! maybe?…. This is probably why some of the students here think I’m an over-achiever rather than a highly competitive perfectionist non-achieving slacker. p.s. Forgot to mention how we learned this week (and a half?) that the kidney is the most important organ in the body. Forget the heart! Liver? Bah! It’s all about homeostasis, baby. Am so grateful for the study groups. If they read this, which I imagine they don’t, it’s way fabulous meeting up and I’m starting to learn! For now I’ll be trying to maintain involvment in both. One Response to “Polydipsia/Polyuria”Leave a Reply |
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September 29th, 2006 at 2:47 pm
I wish I still had my extra kidney. Glad to see you are still a slacker in disguise.