I had a really great time trying to get on the show…

It’s always important, before you start a scam, to inform all the players of their expected roles. Most people know this, they understand how to devise a scenario that is believable and easy to learn, and they update key players as the plan progresses. Not this ball of wax. I blame my parents. (Because it’s always important when you discover your dysfunctional behavior to figure out whose fault it is. Certainly never one’s own!) I never had to sneak out of the house (or rather, I did have to if I wanted to get into any seriously deviant fun but I didn’t find that appealing in my youth and besides, it was too much effort to lie), so I never adequately developed the ability to arrange for a good strong deception. Well, it has blown up in my face.

I applied to be on “Queer Eye for the Straight Girl” (and yes, I know, you’ve never heard of it…, well, it’s on it’s way in January) as the reverse proposal. A nifty idea, one that greatly appeals to my sense of new paradigm development. It’s the Naughties and one of those things I ought to be able to do is ask the man I love to marry me. Problem? No problem. My fashion is sometimes excellent/sometimes non-existent and rarely actually flattering or current, my hair is killed from being dyed (and although curly can be cute, it’s much more attractive to have straight hair but that is a skill I have NEVER acquired), my roots are an inch long, I don’t fix my eyebrows, I can’t do makeup, and my skin is getting toasted from the sun. My house is only half-decorated including: two white canvasses hung in the living room, watercolors that happened to be sitting on the floor, unfinished paintings by my roommate and myself - none of which the producer liked at all, themes which are started and not followed through (she loved the African mask which is actually a treasured present), obvious spaces that are left unfilled, and my room -as always a total disaster from Bizzaroland. I was a shoe-in. Right? Right. Well, minor problem. Who to ask? Although I continue to believe that not only is the right one out there, that he may even be already within my 6-degree sphere, that’s not important right now. What is important is for the man I’ve been dating for, oh, 2-years did I say? to know that we have actually been openly in love, discussing the future, and that he be ready to move our relationship ahead despite the fact that we don’t live together and none of my friends are really even aware of what he, or the relationship, is like. Duh.

Dan was my first choice because no one has ever been as great a partner in comic relief (damn his timing is impeccable) or adventures generally but he pointed out that the QE guys MIGHT figure out the problem in our dynamic a LITTLE too soon. Like, immediately. My second and third choices were out because, in all honesty, I barely know them (including being a little hazy on birthdates. Not so good when you are claiming to want to share the rest of your life together.) And of course my final (and in so many ways only) choice I nearly avoided asking because, well…, I assumed he’d be working. But he’s a darling (and I don’t know how to say that enough times…) and said, “Yes. Sure!” No way!? WAY!!

The amazing thing is, overall, I think we all did really well despite the fact that no one had any prep from me so our stories didn’t maybe exactly 100% match. Might have helped if they did, but who really expected that I would get as far as I did? The fact that I told the truth (mostly) helped, but the fact that I forgot to share my little white lies with my partner in crime didn’t. I said 2-years, he said 2-months. So they either think I’m completely delusional and obsessed OR that our relationship is completely imaginary. I said 90% true, he said 70%, but in the end it’s just good T.V.

I wish I could share with you all how hysterical this week has been for me. (I haven’t laughed this often or hard since I can’t remember when. Maybe “The Wizard of Oz” weekend in NYC w/Dan.) It was Lisa’s idea that I try because she really felt a little bit of improv was needed to move my world forward in the direction it’s been yearning for, and this sure did fit that bill. I have had such a very good time, in part because I really was looking forward to being redesigned, but particularly because more than anything I love wacky off-the-cuff radical adventurous gambits involving life-changing decisions.

I said it privately and now I’ll say it publicly (and hope no one who reads this has or will ever take any offense at the ruse), THANKS for being such good sports! MUCH LOVE!! xxx

edited on 11/23/04
I forgot about this link. It cracked me up when I saw it…
queer eye for the KKK guy

One Response to “QE4tSG”

1. Lisa Says:
   November 17th, 2004 at 8:43 pm

   I’m still laughing and I’m still sorry I implanted the idea and then aided in its downfall…woops!

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