“Peggy, darling. Look: I’ve only been here… twenty minutes, and already I feel this pressing need to take some sort of action. It’s as if someone were constantly whispering in my ear, saying, “Move it, lady. Get to the plot!”

THE FOURTH WALL

A.R. Gurney
We’re all suffering from a need to succeed. To be loved, to be respected, to be approved of for our ideas and our choices. For some, ambition is a tiger held by the tail that lashes ruthlessly threatening to bury us in our own desires. For others, it is a manageable beast that propels the splendor of the world into our hands to be moulded like putty and used as a frame, displaying our strengths to our best advantage. How does a person learn discipline? By studying cause and effect?

My mechanism for reeling in the beast has been to focus attention externally on one in greater straits than my own seemingly dire situation. That done, my perception of reality regains a vast worldly proportion more suitable to true accomplishment. That said, the nausea of pronoia brought to my attention yesterday perhaps that my assessment of smoke and mirrors situations is neither truthful nor useful. In other words, my interests are in crisis and not in my best interests. Additionally, a long-term individual investment may have produced a rotten crop. You know “one rotten apple spoils the whole bunch”?

This whole entry is a replacement to the one I wrote earlier which, in my estimation, actually addressed what was on my mind. Dont’ you hate when that happens? It’s sort of like when you have made a choice between two appealing options, particularly when that choice is based on morals or goals that you think you “should” have or “should” try to reach, that doesn’t maybe work out how you had wanted and you waste time investing in remorse for what might have happened if you had taken the one you reasoned against?

Now here’s a curious aside (or rather since my entire entry was an aside, here’s a curious center): Immanuel Velikovskymay not have been as far off (out)as some highly regarded scientists may wish to believe! The theories he purposed have always held high appeal for me and my magical, mythical preferance but concretists found it impossible to consider that in a constantly moving universe, the bodies which comprise each solar system could move in a direction other than the one at which they are now found. That to me is odd. I realize, a body at rest remains in rest until acted upon by an outside force - witness above -

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